A BIT ABOUT THE MOST AMAZING WEEKEND 19.09.06

I have NEVER in my whole life had such a wonderful, painful, emotional, special, gratifying, uncomfortable, satisfying amazing experience in my whole life. I have injuries but not the same as most of the walkers the feet are fine but my crutch caused blisters on my hand and can't move my shoulder much this morning, my cancer side arm swelled up for the first time so thank God for tubigrip, I haven't cried so much before (except when Mum died) and I'm still crying today. But I never wanted it to end.

I started off ok and felt quite strong but then after about 7 kilometres on the first day the medical team and breakthrough crew advised me to stop for the day as I didn't look too good (mind you they don't know what I look like normally!) So we had to stop and one of my team mates Tina stopped with me (the other Kathy was determined to carry on) It did give me a chance to talk to some of the other AMAZING women though and the crew who were there to look after us (I would say they certainly earned their money but they were volunteers... here go my tears again) The crew ended up saying I was their mascot! But I had managed to walk more in the first day than I had managed in one go for the previous 8 years.

Eventually got to camp and tried to make ourselves comfortable with using the worst porta-loos and pinkest tents you have ever seen in your life! Had some welcome food which was great especially as they had to cater for over 1,500 of us. Met up with my Dad and Sam who had been busy all day setting up the tents and transporting luggage and then waited for our team mate who turned up with blisters on her blisters but having managed the 30 km's (!) I was exhausted just having done the little I had so I don't know how she managed it. Also I don't know how I managed to write a message to my Mum on the remembrance sheet they had set up with the names of all the participants for us to write on., or for that matter how I managed to dance for five minutes to the Abba tribute band!! Luckily the rain held off for us, but my tears nearly made up for that.

The second day we all woke after a restful sleep (NOT the generators for the floodlights were very loud) at 5am to try to beat the crowds for the showers.... didn't work so we had to improvise which is too much detail to go into.

Breakfast was worth getting up for though and must have done me some good because I managed to walk further than before! We set off determined and managed about 6 and a half km's in one go! But when I did stop once again was told not to go on as they, and I, were a bit worried about the old arms, the crutch had caused a weird swelling on the right arm and my left had decided to swell too don't know why (guess lymph nodes are good for something then). I was gutted and was advised to get into one of their cars to the lunch stop and see how I felt then.

My friend and I got into the car and there was already another lady in there who my friend recognised from where we lived, but the lady was more interested in my t-shirt, which had a picture of mum and I on, because she recognised us, now for the amazing bit- it turned out she was the lady at the funeral directors who had sorted out mum's funeral. Elaine you are such a special woman looking after all our loved ones like you do. Now I know that may sound horrific to some of you but I found it strangely comforting and somehow 'right', we both burst into tears and hugged. (later on when I found the courage to ask I discovered that she had actually 'dealt' with mum personally so it meant even more to me) It was like a sign or something that might be time to let mum go somehow. (I’ve still got her ashes at home)

Elaine was so lovely to me (and her team) that I now have 15 new friends for life. At the lunch stop I met Elaine's daughter and their team mates who all had fluffy bra's on (I told them I'd go topless if they would which broke the ice bit disappointed they didn’t take me up on it though!) and they all decided that they would carry me up the final hill at Greenwich if they had to and we would all walk triumphant to the finish line together. By this time I had two new bandages on my arms and even my crutch (the walking one!) was covered in bandages to stop my blisters getting worse.

We were given another lift to the last refreshment stop and waited for the rest of Elaine's team only to discover that we had to go and walk through the foot tunnel at Greenwich under the Thames and that the 'up' lift at the other end didn't work so we were going to have to climb the stairs, bearing in mind all the other women had walked much further than me some of them were nearly in tears at the thought of it. I was so overwhelmed by the kindness of Elaine's team that I decided I was going to tackle the stairs on my bottom (but truth be told I wasn't even looking forward to the walk!) I was slower than everybody else but my friend (Tina) and Elaine stayed with me the whole way and to my shock the rest of Elaine's team had waited for us at the bottom of the stairs, they had even arranged an escort and this wonderful crew member was waiting to support me if I fell backwards and gave me some brilliant encouragement, I had to give my crutch to someone else so I could hold on to the railing with both hands- and also because my shoulder had seized up so I couldn't lift the crutch high enough on to each step. It must have taken me 15 minutes but slowly I managed 105 steps all the while being cheered on from behind with singing and clapping (no one overtook me so there was a build up of women behind me and the singing and encouragement got louder and louder) and guess what.... I cried again... had a fit of the shakes when I got to the top and couldn’t believe these wonderful women were praising me! I probably wouldn’t even have attempted it without there literal support, but I was so glad I did it. Now I really feel like I had achieved something for Mum and that I had earned the right to (some) cheers at the finish line.

The team that Elaine is a part of is an amalgamation of ‘Den's Double D's & Lindsey's Bosom Buddies’ I literaly could not have done it without them and can’t believe that some of them have been sending me lovely messages since I got home! It’s me that needs to thank them, I have never felt so touched in my whole life, honestly, my mum would have loved you all too. ‘Little’ Sam my dad and I will never forget what you did. I hope we remain friends forever.

Another crew member called Noah escorted us to the bottom of the hill at Greenwich park (these people gave up their whole weekend to help wally’s like me) and we managed to have a sit down on a bench while waiting for another of the girls (I think it was Elaine’s sister-forgive me for not remembering I still have terrible chemo brain) Elaine’s daughter needs a special mention too, she insisted on carrying my ‘bum bag’ for me as well as her own even though she’d had to give up a large part of her walking because of her terrible blisters, by this time she looked very attractive in socks and flip-flops (nice Katie!) but she couldn’t have got her trainers back on the poor love.

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Now this is by no means the end of the story but my hands are seizing up so I’ll post this for now and hopefully be able to finish it later in the week….got scans to go to tomorrow and then Herceptin on Thursday, but there is a lot more to tell yet . Sorry for my rambling! Janine xxxxx

24.9.06

Sorry to have taken so long to finish updating this ‘report’ of mine, I must have been more tired than I thought, I did discover before the walk that I’m anaemic again so that might be why (I was hoping for another transfusion then I might have been able to walk further!). Plus had a couple of scans this week which seemed to go ok but took the whole day on Wednesday, I’ll have to wait awhile for the results….. I’m sort of getting used to waiting now, wait for appointments, results, and phone calls whatever- there’s no point getting upset whatever will be will be.

Anyway back to the important stuff, got up the stairs and felt very apprehensive about getting up the hill in Greenwich park but my beloved Tina and my new friends DDD’s and LBB’s wouldn’t let me give in and all of a sudden I had a massive balloon tied to my back (shame it wasn’t a bit bigger or it could have air-lifted me!) still don’t know who paid for it, but thank you whoever it was. What a sight we must have been! Especially me with my pink crutch, balloon bandages and with tears streaming down my face. You girls won’t recognise me when we get to meet again, don’t have any of that now; in fact you’ll probably think I was a bit of a fraud!!

The bottom of Greenwich park was full of cheers and a welcome break while we waited for Elaine’s friend (as suspected I got it wrong before) As soon as she arrived we were off again. I kept expecting some of the team to get sick of me hanging around but they were true to their word and encouraged me all the way. We took up the whole width of that road in the park because there were 15 or 16 of us all linked arms and singing “she’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes” I cannot describe how much that meant to me, I really can’t, and then my Dad and Sam came down the hill and joined in and marched with us! It was glorious but the flood gates had opened and I just so wish my Mum could have been there to see it, one of the proudest moments of my life. Not the finish line, although that was fantastic too, but just the feeling of solidarity with these women who just wanted to help me and other women with breast cancer, breathtaking.

There must have been more than 400 or more people at the top cheering us all as we came in and there were camera’s flashing and people shouting their congratulations (I don’t feel worthy though, the praise has to go to everyone else, and those that helped me along the way) By this point everyone seemed to be sobbing and I didn’t feel quite so much of a dingbat.

One more hurdle to overcome; the closing ceremony. We were all given different colour t-shirts, pale blue for walkers and pink for walker/survivors but I didn’t want to cover the picture of mum so I just tied mine round my shoulders. Then I was worried about where Kathy was, she hadn’t come in yet and both our phone batteries were dead, I didn’t want her to not have the rest of Diane’s Deptford Divas waiting when she finished and I didn’t know if she was on her own or not. So when I saw her hobbling up it was a relief and the tears started again, in fact I think she told me to go away because she didn’t want to cry again! But she’d managed the whole thing, well done Kath; mum would have been smiling down on you.

I knew the closing ceremony would be very emotional and I wasn’t wrong. First off all the blue t-shirts had to jog into the ‘arena’ and they lined the way for the survivors in pink. Of course this bit I kind of had to do on my own because Kathy and Tina and all my new friends had already gone in. I didn’t think I’d manage it and ended up turning to the woman next to me on my left and asking to hold her hand (can’t imagine another situation where I would ask that of a complete stranger but that was the sort of weekend it was) I think there were a couple of speeches from the stage and then the survivors walked in together, typical me to be last to arrive but couldn’t help it by this point. Then some more survivors bought in the sheet with the messages on that we'd all signed the night before (did they not want me to stop crying!) Lastly the crew jogged in wearing white shirts so Sam and dad went past and up onto the stage, the next thing I know the guy who had helped me up the stairs at the tunnel broke out of the procession to give me a bear hug! I won’t say what he said but I’m still amazed and wish I knew who he was.

Also want to give a special mention to Tina and her family, you were my strength all the way through Tina thank you for putting up with me, it must have felt like you had one of your kids with you at times! Please accept what a special person you are, Tony thanks for the lift and the 'snog' (not really, just teasing!) and girls your message was so touching (as you might have been able to notice when I couldn't stop crying!! so what's new) x

I did this whole thing for my darling mum, for my family and to make my son proud. I NEVER expected to get so much out of it for me. It was a truly humbling experience; one I will never ever forget.